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by FemaleSpock



Series: Monsterverse [3]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Dysfunctional Relationships, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Suicide, POV Second Person, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-03
Updated: 2014-12-03
Packaged: 2018-02-28 00:53:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2712965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FemaleSpock/pseuds/FemaleSpock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura and Carmilla meet again after Danny's death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Home

You remain at Silas even after what has happened. You don’t go to class (you tell yourself there’s not much point in getting yourself another degree to add to the collection) but you stay on campus.

 

Danny’s gone, really gone. You thought the sword would you consume all of you, you thought it would kill you, but it burnt off Danny's wolf spirit from inside of you, leaving you just behind - empty. You suppose it makes a certain type of sense: Danny is the hero of the piece, not you - never you.

 

You stick around to make sure that the vanquishing of the light stuck, to make sure that she’s safe, that was why you did this after all. Time passes and it's clear: your mother is gone and the hungry light is too. Silas is that much more normal now though that doesn’t count for much in the real world. You still don't leave. 

 

Every time you look at Laura all you can see is her face that night – the look of horror and revulsion spreading across her features as you pulled in Danny’s still warm body like a Trojan horse. Once Ell had looked at you like that too. So you try to keep your distance, make sure she doesn’t find you – she’s searching for you but you have the advantage of having known this place for decades. You know how to hide. 

 

You wonder what she would do if she found you – you might have saved her but that doesn’t erase the fact that you killed the woman she loves. You see her visiting the cemetery far more frequently than any girl her age should and you know that you’re to blame. Danny’s dead, her sins are absolved. Yours never will be. 

 

You never thought you'd want so desperately for the werewolf to live. 

 

* * *

 

It’s the blood that gets you in the end. There’s something fitting about that. You go to stock up and there Laura is, lying in wait for you. She walks over to you, her face set into an angry mask that doesn’t suit her. You know that this is what you’ve done to her – you and Danny and the Dean and this whole damn place. You wish she could be happy but you know you've made that impossible for her. 

 

She slaps you hard but it doesn’t hurt. It’s one of the disadvantages of being a vampire. She breaks into a sob and there's a sudden blur of movement; she’s moving forward and pulling you into a tight embrace. You can hear her blood pumping through her veins, you can feel the pulse of it, smell it so clearly through her skin – it’s been too long since you last fed. You know you’re monstrous for even thinking about it.

 

“I hate you,” she hisses against your shoulder through her tears. “I really hate you.” She’s carrying a weapon on her, hidden under her coat, it’s pressing up against your thighs – you don’t have to see it to know what it is.

 

You don’t let go. “I know.”

 

“But that doesn’t mean you get to just leave, to waltz out like nothing happened, you _coward_ ,” Laura continues, her voice breaking.

 

You don’t say anything. What can you say? _Sorry?_ Sorry doesn’t cut it and you know it. You’re both here and you’ll take whatever she gives to you, whatever it takes to make this better. A stake through the heart would be a blessed relief and if anyone deserves to do the honours it’s her.

 

She pushes you away and you close your eyes. You’re ready; you’re more than ready. To your shock you feel her hands on your face and then she’s pulling you back in again, her face to your face. Your lips meet in a forceful clash and you’re mind snaps back to kissing Danny on that last night. You’ve imagined kissing Laura all too many times, imagined a thousand different scenarios, but you never thought it would be like this – you thought it would be soft, hesitant, romantic even. She kisses you like she wants to kill you.

 

Finally you break apart and she just looks at you – you’re not sure what emotion her face is showing now, it’s all too mixed up.

 

“I don’t have a roommate,” she says, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “You should move back in again.”

 

You just stare at her. You’ve met so many people in your many years but you’ve never come across anyone that confuses you as much as her.

 

“You never asked me what I wanted. You and Danny saved me but…” Her voice is soft but full of sorrow. “I’m asking you to do this for me, to stay.”

 

You nod. You’d do anything for her.

 

“Then it’s decided.” She takes your hand in yours, roughly, starting to walk at a brisk pace back to the dormitories – trying to drag you along with her.

 

You dig in your heels. You don’t want to say this but you know you have to. The hunger will overwhelm you if you don’t feed now – and by now she’s already well aware of what you are. “I need to get the blood first.”

 

She turns back and releases her grip on your hand. You feel its loss. “Right.”

 

You get your blood quickly, putting the bags away in your pocket – you don’t want to drink them with her watching. You leave your hand out of your pocket and she takes it in hers again, interlocking your fingers together. Her grip is tight. You start to walk together down pathways and corridors that you know so well.

 

You go home.

**Author's Note:**

> Coming up for this 'verse: the fluffy AU ending in which Danny lives. Promise.


End file.
